Don't Take If . . .

Just thank your stars you don’t push pills.
Attorneys are the ad execs.
Commercials for what cures our ills
Are nine-tenths would-be bad effects.
When through, I’m left in such a sweat
To empty out the cabinet.

The State of Columbia

The District of Columbia
Is leftist like no other place,
A liberal cornucopia
Established more or less on race:
A slim majority of blacks,
A third (count me!) broad-minded whites,
A tenth, Latinos, to the max
Too busy working days and nights.

Shalom!

Chag Sameach! (Joyous Pasoch!)
Passover begins at sundown.
Jews, passed over since no door knock
Thanks to lamb’s blood, promptly left town,
Fleeing Pharaoh’s servility,
Moses deftly cleaving the sea.

Romneycare

In Massachusetts, first to try
A universal health-care plan,
The governor, who’s cast his eye
On soaring prices, thinks he can
Reduce them with a scheme we know—
Though state-controlled, an HMO.

Time for Beany

A San Francisco Giants fan
Who watched his guys play opening day
Might wish he didn’t walk but ran
From Dodger Stadium in L.A.
As though it weren’t enough they’d lost,
His brains came close to getting tossed

Going, Going, Goner

We still talk euphemistically:
Enhanced performance due to drugs,
Although there’s no more mystery
How out of nowhere someone slugs
A ton more homers than before.
A steroid makes the number soar.