Michael Redux

Vick rhymes with sick and other slurs
That don’t require mention here.
What’s mattered most is what occurs
Upon resuming his career—
Not killing dogs that wouldn’t fight
By means that decency benight.

Going in Peace

Within our health conglomerate,
Those fighting change are quick to say,
If functionaries’ wants are met,
They’ll single out who’ll go or stay:
In balder terms, who lives or dies
According to what costs arise.

A Crying Shame

John Boehner, Speaker of the House
When Congress next month reconvenes,
Sheds tears as though he wants to dowse
Appearances by any means
He doesn’t wish our children well
And rather’s cynical as hell.

Get that Judge an Actuary

If we need not insure our health,
As now one U.S. judge decrees,
Why must we also squander wealth
On automobile policies,
At least before we’re sick or hurt?
The answer is: we’d lose our shirt.

Watch Yourself!

Julian Assange, Wickileaker,
Bent on spilling U.S. secrets.
Truth he claims to be a seeker
Though it means more U.S. caskets
Shipped from far-flung mountain battle,
Full disclosure’s price to tattle.

Gathering

Thanksgiving starts my every day;
I’m grateful for the glow of dawn.
From nothingness I’ve one more stay
Before my time on Earth is gone
To dwell upon our mystery
That won’t explain our history.

Keep On Chillin', Papa!

Pope Benedict at last allows
That condoms have a needed use—
Just one, but ample to arouse
Conjecture that maybe he’ll loose
Twin rules for spousal dalliance:
Fidelity and abstinence.

The Letter and The Spirit

In recent years the IRS
Has been a much more friendly place.
Although it still can dispossess,
It does so at a slower pace.
Before it raids your bank account,
It tells you first the owed amount.

Plan XXX

What’s your preference, scan or pat-down,
By new touchy-feely screeners?
Sister Regis used her worst frown
When we joked about our wieners,
Now called junk, which men don’t like stroked.
Women, neither, like their breasts poked.

We Owe It To Ourselves

It’s bad enough when MasterCard
And Visa call, and then lament
That they must tell us we are barred
From borrowing another cent.

But what if China rings us and
Apologetically bemoans
That we at last must understand
It cannot make us further loans?

I'm Lovin' It

If we ban alcohol for kids
So they won’t drink themselves to death,
Or enact statute that forbids
Their scrambling their brains on meth,
Or even smoking nicotine,
Why not what makes them look obscene?

The Shakespeare in All of Us

We shrug off chats if folks don’t yell
While riding on a crowded bus.
But even whispers over cells
Bring out the very worst in us.
Why is this? Cornell research found
We share with playwrights common ground.

Suffer the Children

At the movies, don’t yell fire.
Not a chance that it’s judged free speech.
Don’t shed all of your attire
On the sidewalk. It's a big breech.
First Amendment rights don't include
Sins like these no longer argued.

Central to Our Well-Being

Woe is me but no use whining
At the way the public’s spoken.
Sooner, find a silver lining,
Even though my heart’s still broken:
From now on Obama cannot
Leave the GOP to do squat.

Rush to Misjudgment

President Obama timid?
In a snobbish manner, rigid?
Too slow to hit the campaign trail
To help his Democrats prevail?
One he wouldn’t told him, Shove it.
True to form he rose above it.
Aloof or even ill at ease?
The answer’s no to all of these.

Justice To Be Denied?

Hello, is Ginni Thomas there?
It’s you? Tim Hutchens on the line.
I know full well it isn’t fair
To call on weekends before nine.
But all the night I couldn’t sleep
And figured you were wide awake.
You’d left a message at the beep
Just shortly following daybreak
One Saturday to try and get
Anita Hill’s delayed regret.

California Toking

Like, many of us waited all our life,
To smoke a joint at Market Street and Pine,
What cops will do, the speculation’s rife.
Like, man—you got some brownies?—it’s divine!

Welcome Smoke and Mirrors

The Congress’s debate about
If global warming’s natural
Or manmade (which I hardly doubt),
Is ending. Holy mackerel!
You’d think as glaciers disappear
We’d have the Hill’s collective ear.

We Don't Get No Respect

Christine O’Donnell, Delaware’s
Tea Party Senate candidate,
Is just like us’ins, she declares,
She wouldn’t think to masturbate.

Time to Speak Up

Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell as policy
Is playing dumb and dangerously.
In NATO, only Turkey buys
Our idiotic compromise,
Which 14,000 troops has trapped
When, of their preference, someone yapped.

Rescate!

Chile’s Atacama Desert,
Barren land but full of menace.
Miners there in much discomfort,
Waiting months to reach the surface.

Peril, though, came not from rescues
In a claustrophobic capsule.
When it made its topside breakthroughs,
There, perchance, began a hassle.

Kim Jong Un (or Could it be Eins?)

Remember where you read it first:
Though North Korea seems accursed
For flinging missiles, testing nukes,
Dear Kim Jong Il, chief kook of kooks,
To rule the land (thank goodness soon)
Has named as heir, son Kim Jong Un,
Who went to school in Switzerland.
Of deutch, français he got command;
With U.S. kids he used to hang.
He’ll—get this—liberate Pyongyang!

When Ignorance is Folly

We want to help the Mexicans
Attempt to curb their drug cartels,
Among whose rank shenanigans,
Are whacking mayors and cops, which smells
As bad as wasting journalists
When coverage of the hell persists.

What Are We Fighting For?

Though for the most part, we’re devout,
Ofttimes Americans don’t know
Just what their faith is all about,
Responses to a survey show.

Near half the canvassed Protestants
Could not name Martin Luther as
The first to give their congregants
Deaf ears to what a Pontiff says.

Who's Storing the Mind?

The District of Columbia
Has voted out its one-term mayor.
The major reason? His idea
To name as his school chancellor
A firebrand named Michelle Rhee,
Who cashiered teachers lacking skill,
A governmental novelty,
Indeed, a sort of fire drill.
The point? Thereafter never flout
Your pupils’ test scores, or get out.

An Rx for Death

For now, insurers can’t withdraw
Your plan if you or yours get sick
From some past biologic flaw.
You’d think they should have cared a lick
Until you realize their goal:
Net income not disease control.

Adios, Cuban Clunkers

After more than half a century,
Cuban Communism’s cracking.
Just like in a penitentiary,
Labor worth its name was lacking.
Fidel and his brother Raul—
Facing up to state-paid shirkers,
Jobs whose of, proles ran afoul—
Pink-slipped half a million workers.

Tea and Sociopathy

As namesakes, these are barely such:
Those long ago threw overboard
The tea the British taxed too much.
Today’s Tea Partyers afford
A glimpse of hopefuls unchagrined
Who toss their chances to the wind.